I just found out that the home I'm living in will be foreclosed upon on June 7th, that's a lengthy 3 weeks from tomorrow. This is actually a familiar story for me as just two years ago the house that I was living in was in the same situation. Luckily, we all found places to go and it wasn't that bad. This time around it feels like a cruel joke in the midst of my uncertainty about full time work which has been dragging on for a good 9 months now. This morning while angrily emptying the dishwasher and dropping a few choice words throughout my thought process, it dawned on me--I am desperately seeking to be settled. That is my greatest desire right now, and it has reached idol status in my heart. I feel like it is a right, and most people would happily agree that it isn't a bad thing to want, wouldn't they? But then I started thinking about Jesus. Was he ever settled? Did he have a stable place to call home? I'm pretty sure the Bible says he had no place to lay his head. Is being settled the highest value, or even a value at all in God's Kingdom? I guess not, so now I feel guilty. If this is where I stop then I'm just going to be a miserably guilty Christian who doesn't believe the gospel at all. It will not inform reality and I will probably just move on carrying low grade bitterness and doing other things to numb my feelings and still won't be getting to the real issue. Turning my heart and its worship back toward Christ. I need to confess before God my idolatrous heart's desires and my desire to love the gifts and not the giver, and to seek out ways to hear, know and believe the satisfaction possible in his voice when he calls; and to believe the truth that where he leads is to an abundant life in himself, even when it feels unsettling.
"The sheep hear his voice and he calls his own sheep by name..the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. I cam that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep". John 10: 3,4,10-11
No comments:
Post a Comment