do i trust in the one who has adopted me?

I saw the movie, "The Kite Runner", for the first time tonight. A heartbreaking but redemptive story about a man who goes back to his home country of Afghanistan to rescue his young nephew from slavery and horrific abuse. The little boy is brought back to California with him to a new family, a new life and and instant love and acceptance. As the movie ends he is still very apprehensive about trusting or believing that he will never have to go back to his old life. You can see it so clearly in his eyes. I just kept thinking about how for most of my life as a Christian I have been that boy. Distrusting of my Heavenly Father's love and care for me. Watching the movie I just wanted to somehow let the boy know that he was going to be okay, that he would heal from his abuse and that he would experience such an amazing new life, with so much freedom and joy--if he would just take hold of it.

For we are no longer slaves again to fear, but we are now sons who cry Abba Father. I want to recognize my place as an adopted daughter into the family of God with no fear that God will ever change his mind about me and with no lack of trust in God's perfect love and specific care. Why can I not? Lord I believe, help my unbelief. I need to be reminded of this truth constantly.

Another picture of this came yesterday evening at the airport where I was able to witness the homecoming of a family in my church who just brought back their first adopted child from Uganda. They have two other children and now little Charles Tucker makes three. Watching him enveloped in a sea of white adult faces and kids of all ages with their sticky, sweaty hands patting and rubbing him was overwhelming I'm sure. But to see the joy of his new family was the sweetest part. The delight of being together and making themselves more complete with him there was so moving. There is no hesitation in their eyes, no reconsidering, it is pure delight and love. Adoption is such a profound act of sheer mercy and grace. I'm thankful for this family and the sharing of God's work in and through their lives so that I have another tangible reminder of God's adopting love. Their blog is Love That Passes Knowledge.

Ask yourself daily

My brother and his wife are off for a three year expedition to The University of Durham about two hours NE of London.  Nathan will get his PhD in theology and will be studying the life and ministry of Puritan John Flavel who wrote an incredible book entitled, "Keeping The Heart". As we helped them clean and box up their home I saw a quote which was printed over the door from his study, "Oh my heart, where hast thou gone this day, and what has engaged thy thoughts?"  The heart truly is the wellspring from which every other thing flows. How revealing just one day would be to keep this on the forefront of the mind. So much to notice about my heart's condition and my need to be saved from even my own thoughts. I can't produce within myself a change. This takes me back to Jesus, and I do know that THAT is a good thing.

Feelin the music

Tonight I went to the Mary Chapin Carpenter concert at Chastain Park. I grew up just down the road from there so it brought back memories of the middle school days when friends and I would stand outside the gate hoping to get in at the last second for cheap, back when no one really good came to Chastain, and my brother was off in the woods with his friends smoking a joint at the same time (now he's graduated from seminary so I feel like I can say that about him). I wasn't sure if I knew any of her songs, the ticket was free and it looked like rain. Ended up having a fun evening with a really nice dinner, great wine and the place all to ourselves. The music wasn't amazing- too many slow songs, not loud enough- but the people watching was first class. First class in a really self righteous way.  It was quite a crowd and us four girls were in the minority on multiple levels. I found myself welling up with pride around a mostly sloppy bunch of Indigo Girlish, socks with sandals sort of crowd and wasn't believing how deep and far my own thoughts could go into arrogance and just a general sense of lifting myself up above them all. I can't believe how quickly any moment can reveal the depths of what junk lies in my heart and mind about other people and how far I am from love. I am not even aware of it most of the time because it is more of a condition of the soul of constantly sizing up the people around me, placing them in their "proper" categories and then exalting myself (or conversely feeling lowly or not good enough, when in the opposite scenario). I looked out over the crowd of people and thought that if I could see their souls for only a second, could I have compassion. Only Jesus can look upon any crowd and instantly love them, and really mean it.

Mary said a few things herself tonight before introducing one of her songs. She talked about believing that every single person on this Earth was made for a very special purpose and that your life's mission should be to figure out what that purpose is. I have no idea where she was really going with that or what she believes is the answer, but that is definitely a question that has to be pressing on the hearts and minds of all people if they are honest. My mind started to wander about how to figure out what I was made for. I really honestly and truly can't think about what it is exactly.  Everything that I think about liking or enjoying naturally seems like such a shallow thing. I like to make things more beautiful. Fix them. Clean them up. Organize them. Help them (people) with their clothes. Make a room look better, brighter, more open, more comfortable. I also like color and texture, patterns and designs. Is it wrong to have interests towards things that are not directly spiritual in nature?

"Whatever therefore you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. "

Torn from the top of an order of worship 11/24/04

"Feelings are great liars. If Christians only worshiped when they felt like it, there would be precious little worship that went on. Feelings are important in many areas, but completely unreliable in matters of faith...We think that if we don't feel something there can be no authenticity in doing it. But the wisdom of God says something different, namely, that we can act ourselves into a new way of feeling much quicker than we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting. Worship is an act which develops feelings for God, not a feeling for God which is expressed in an act of worship. When we obey the command to praise God in worship, our deep, essential need to be in relationship with God is nurtured."