true joy

Yesterday, I had a wonderful conversation with a sibling about the concept of "joy" in the life of a Christian. Seemed perfect this time of year since it's not a word in short supply. But living life out of true joy, I believe, is. I think I realized through the course of our discussion, that my own life has been mostly devoid of any joy for several years now. I don't know the reason explicitly, but I know that disappointment with remaining single, lack of direction for my career, relational pains, and an overall thankless heart have played their parts.   He was recalling the story of someone he knew whose life was dramatically changed as they were freed up by God from some personal issues where their literal countenance changed. They now seem to be a different person as a result of that freedom and they have a true joy that radiates out of their life and spills over to others. They are free to be themselves and to just enjoy life and people in a more authentic way.  I really want that true joy in my own life. I truly do not want to live based on the circumstances going on in my life, up when things are up and down when things aren't going my way;  but based on that deeper, abiding sense of God's unmanageably massive love for me, presence and power in my life which propels me out to others and creates a genuine rest within. I know this is possible and freely offered in the gospel, the good news of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for me, and I have only to take of it. That's the hardest part. Letting hands go free of the things that I want to take (which are cheap substitutes that lure me in and then suck me dry, or leave me needing more but delivering a deeper emptiness). Instead I want to take of this fruit, this strength, this life-- joy. I am beginning to pray more regularly for this to be true of my life and want to record that somewhere. It is scary to openly trust the Lord for something new and to tell others. What if he doesn't deliver? What if I'm a failure and nothing changes? I think that's just the ticket. I will fail. God might not "deliver" in human terms. His ways can't be contained, so I'm going to stop trying to contain him and ask him to answer me in his way and in his time. I'm going to ask him for a true joy in himself alone to emerge.

"If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoke to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." john 15:7-11


I returned home from a family gathering this afternoon and opened up a card that came in the mail. It was beautiful and the first card I have received all season long that didn't have anyone's picture on the front. :)