angle tree twist

Today I delivered some Angel Tree gifts to a grandmother who did not look like your average granny. She raises three children in the inner city because their father is in prison. She is 60 years old, looks 45, and had a black knit cap pulled down tight over her short hair with reading glasses on. She was super feisty and after a good hour of chatting told me she would have grabbed the Christmas loot & shoved me out the door right away if she hadn't gotten a good vibe from me. She also mentioned something about her pistol....um, wait...she actually mentioned a pistol 4 or 5 times altogether while I was there. She fought against the State of GA to get her grandchildren out of the foster care system, where there was much abuse going on, for three years and finally after a personal email to Governor Perdue, she was able to get them back. It has been a rough road for them, but she is a stable and loving influence in their lives. The house had a fresh tree decorated in the corner, and I carefully placed each package under it. Two gifts per child. I'm sure that's the most they will be getting. She was baking sweet Gingerbread cookies with half raisins for eyes and the kids were begging for her to make a homemade Gingerbread house. She told them that was too much and they were sad. BUT! For some reason this morning I decided to stop and look for a Gingerbread house kit to bring along, so when she mentioned it....Voila! She enthusiastically decided to hide it from them until Christmas Eve and bring it out as a special surprise.

God has a way of making something out of what seems like nothing.  It has been and is still a very hard season in my life. It has brought me to an incredibly honest place in my relationship with the Lord, and with people. I have never experienced such a moment by moment need for God's strength and joy to get through the day. This has made my conversations with people much more honest as well. So driving to this lady's home today I didn't even pray before I went in, I didn't even think about how to strategically share the gospel with her, or what kind of questions to ask, I honestly felt like I had nothing to give, so why was I even doing this?

I planned to be in and out in 20 minutes or less. That was my honest heart about the whole delivery situation. We ended up talking for several hours as I listened to her tell me a little bit more in detail about her life and how hard it has been and nodded my head in sympathetic agreement that I understood.. Our lives were not the same, but I understood the need to daily.....hourly......moment by moment... give my burdens back to the Lord. I understood, and am still learning how to cry out to God with a wordless groaning when it seems like there is no other way to express it. I understand that it is hard to continue to trust when nothing is changing and things seem hopeless. I understand wanting more of this life than it seems is possible.... Yes, yes and yes. I feel you.

She looked at me and said that she thought it might be good to find a place to worship with the kids and asked me what church I went to. She said it was because if a young, white girl with presents could come to her house and tell her that my life hard, imperfect and that I needed Jesus every moment, then she believed that the church I attended must be the kind of  place that was real and somewhere that she would want to go.
 I gave her the website and told her that they are all most welcome any time. I shook my head as I closed the door behind me and walked out. Here I am in one of the darkest seasons of my life that creates an opportunity for a mutual exchange about real, earthy struggles with someone who is so different than me, but really very much the same. One more proof to stop thinking about reaching out and loving people "when I'm better", or "when I have it together", or "when my heart is on fire for God". I'm thankful for this reminder today. Tomorrow I will need another, because that's just how slow I am to believe God. He is gracious and I know he will remind me again that he works all things together for good. Even Angel Tree deliveries.