christmas eve inspiration

I admittedly had a demitasse of strong coffee tonight. Every year we trade off with dear family friends after the Christmas Eve service ends, eat chili together and have true blast. They have 3 kids plus one new husband, we have 5 and we all enjoy the company of one another greatly. Once home tonight, I decided to surf around for new job postings. Right after feeling settled about the idea of several good, sensible and generally average corporate options that I found, I ran into something truly inspiring!
I am totally moved by this teacher who is doing amazing stuff through music in a New York City Elementary school--PS 22. He brings out amazing soul and life in these kids! They work together so well for a common goal. I love the diversity of the students too.  I had to post two of my favorite songs that they happened to have sung. Check them out. Seeing things like this completely throws off any desire for average career plans and makes me totally want to go for broke towards something that I love and something that will give life, freedom and hope to others as well.

true joy

Yesterday, I had a wonderful conversation with a sibling about the concept of "joy" in the life of a Christian. Seemed perfect this time of year since it's not a word in short supply. But living life out of true joy, I believe, is. I think I realized through the course of our discussion, that my own life has been mostly devoid of any joy for several years now. I don't know the reason explicitly, but I know that disappointment with remaining single, lack of direction for my career, relational pains, and an overall thankless heart have played their parts.   He was recalling the story of someone he knew whose life was dramatically changed as they were freed up by God from some personal issues where their literal countenance changed. They now seem to be a different person as a result of that freedom and they have a true joy that radiates out of their life and spills over to others. They are free to be themselves and to just enjoy life and people in a more authentic way.  I really want that true joy in my own life. I truly do not want to live based on the circumstances going on in my life, up when things are up and down when things aren't going my way;  but based on that deeper, abiding sense of God's unmanageably massive love for me, presence and power in my life which propels me out to others and creates a genuine rest within. I know this is possible and freely offered in the gospel, the good news of Christ's sacrifice on the cross for me, and I have only to take of it. That's the hardest part. Letting hands go free of the things that I want to take (which are cheap substitutes that lure me in and then suck me dry, or leave me needing more but delivering a deeper emptiness). Instead I want to take of this fruit, this strength, this life-- joy. I am beginning to pray more regularly for this to be true of my life and want to record that somewhere. It is scary to openly trust the Lord for something new and to tell others. What if he doesn't deliver? What if I'm a failure and nothing changes? I think that's just the ticket. I will fail. God might not "deliver" in human terms. His ways can't be contained, so I'm going to stop trying to contain him and ask him to answer me in his way and in his time. I'm going to ask him for a true joy in himself alone to emerge.

"If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoke to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." john 15:7-11


I returned home from a family gathering this afternoon and opened up a card that came in the mail. It was beautiful and the first card I have received all season long that didn't have anyone's picture on the front. :)

angle tree twist

Today I delivered some Angel Tree gifts to a grandmother who did not look like your average granny. She raises three children in the inner city because their father is in prison. She is 60 years old, looks 45, and had a black knit cap pulled down tight over her short hair with reading glasses on. She was super feisty and after a good hour of chatting told me she would have grabbed the Christmas loot & shoved me out the door right away if she hadn't gotten a good vibe from me. She also mentioned something about her pistol....um, wait...she actually mentioned a pistol 4 or 5 times altogether while I was there. She fought against the State of GA to get her grandchildren out of the foster care system, where there was much abuse going on, for three years and finally after a personal email to Governor Perdue, she was able to get them back. It has been a rough road for them, but she is a stable and loving influence in their lives. The house had a fresh tree decorated in the corner, and I carefully placed each package under it. Two gifts per child. I'm sure that's the most they will be getting. She was baking sweet Gingerbread cookies with half raisins for eyes and the kids were begging for her to make a homemade Gingerbread house. She told them that was too much and they were sad. BUT! For some reason this morning I decided to stop and look for a Gingerbread house kit to bring along, so when she mentioned it....Voila! She enthusiastically decided to hide it from them until Christmas Eve and bring it out as a special surprise.

God has a way of making something out of what seems like nothing.  It has been and is still a very hard season in my life. It has brought me to an incredibly honest place in my relationship with the Lord, and with people. I have never experienced such a moment by moment need for God's strength and joy to get through the day. This has made my conversations with people much more honest as well. So driving to this lady's home today I didn't even pray before I went in, I didn't even think about how to strategically share the gospel with her, or what kind of questions to ask, I honestly felt like I had nothing to give, so why was I even doing this?

I planned to be in and out in 20 minutes or less. That was my honest heart about the whole delivery situation. We ended up talking for several hours as I listened to her tell me a little bit more in detail about her life and how hard it has been and nodded my head in sympathetic agreement that I understood.. Our lives were not the same, but I understood the need to daily.....hourly......moment by moment... give my burdens back to the Lord. I understood, and am still learning how to cry out to God with a wordless groaning when it seems like there is no other way to express it. I understand that it is hard to continue to trust when nothing is changing and things seem hopeless. I understand wanting more of this life than it seems is possible.... Yes, yes and yes. I feel you.

She looked at me and said that she thought it might be good to find a place to worship with the kids and asked me what church I went to. She said it was because if a young, white girl with presents could come to her house and tell her that my life hard, imperfect and that I needed Jesus every moment, then she believed that the church I attended must be the kind of  place that was real and somewhere that she would want to go.
 I gave her the website and told her that they are all most welcome any time. I shook my head as I closed the door behind me and walked out. Here I am in one of the darkest seasons of my life that creates an opportunity for a mutual exchange about real, earthy struggles with someone who is so different than me, but really very much the same. One more proof to stop thinking about reaching out and loving people "when I'm better", or "when I have it together", or "when my heart is on fire for God". I'm thankful for this reminder today. Tomorrow I will need another, because that's just how slow I am to believe God. He is gracious and I know he will remind me again that he works all things together for good. Even Angel Tree deliveries.

endurance in suffering

Fantastic short podcast on suffering. Scroll down to the bottom of the page...

CCEF | Restoring Christ to Counseling and Counseling to the Church

design project across the ocean?

I always love helping people make their spaces more appealing, especially when they are missionaries in a large foreign country with billions of people living in concrete block high rise communities where everything can tend to look the same and feel very cold. My friend emailed me some pictures of her living room and asked for some suggestions, so I'm really excited to get to work cybergesting some pieces to finish up her space. First and foremost, I give you,  her cute children.

Here are two shots of the living room and the view to the open dining area.

The three main things I'm going to be thinking about are a rug, curtains and a coffee table. I might throw in a few other little things to "fluff" along the way. I'll be back!

movie action part two

After taking a walk right through the crew with our dogs pretending we weren't curious at all, and then meeting a crew member who was directing traffic in front of my parent's home all day, we learned a few things but didn't catch any glimpses of Jason Bateman or Ryan Reynolds.The movie is actually called, "The Change Up" and has been filming in Atlanta for several months. It's halfway through and the 12 hour day the crew spent here will equal exactly 15 seconds of film time. We met a cool guy named Sean Love who happened to be an extra in the movie as well. He said the director needed a big black dude to snort some cocaine, so he was asked to step in. Hmmm, that's not stereotypical.  Afterward the director (also directed "The Hangover" and "Wedding Crashers"), came up to him and thanked him and told him that he did a great job, so he was excited to have his picture taken with us possibly his first fans. Turns out it all stunt doubles were doing the driving scene in the gold Ranger Rover, meant to be Jason's character's vehicle on the way to pick up his child from school, also filmed at a school a block away. In the dark they started filming with the block lit up like a Christmas tree. Folks, that's all we've got. A 12 hour day driving up and down the same road. Oh, and they did the shots in rain and shine, just in case the director changes his mind. JB and RR have eaten some good food while they've been here though, so that makes me happy. Ecco, Aria and the amazing Antico for fantastic Westside pizza! 

ryan reynolds in the parker house...sort of

This afternoon I got a call from my mom. We love her, she's hilarious. She told me that she had a note in her mailbox saying a movie was going to be filmed this coming Saturday, December 11, on her street. Not just any movie, but a movie with Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman! "I just love that Ryan Reynolds, he's so cute" (like they are friends), and "I called the phone number and I just told those people that I have a Christmas party this Saturday night and I really hope that I can get out of my driveway!" And then I asked them, "Does it really take 12 hours to film one driving scene?" Classic Mom.
After I asked a few more questions I found out that they are in fact closing off specifically my parent's block, which really only has two houses on it, and there will be police escorts for the day to let them in and out. Kind of exciting. The movie is called, "Change Up" and I'm pretty sure I'll be hanging out over there just in case someone famous walks by or an extra keels over and they need to grab me and pull me in. More to come on this one.

the little house

It's the 60th Anniversary of a precious book by Virginia Lee Burton.  I heard about it tonight as Caroline Herring performed. The perfect way to end a crazy week. I couldn't help but think about how closely the book resembles my life story in so many ways, and only from a limited perspective of course. I don't want to give it away if you've never read it but it's a good one!!

Stones of rememberance for the Teacheys

There are moments in my life that swell with memory and emotion, that seem like minutes went by as days and I can still recall them as if they are happening in the next room. I was privileged to be a part of a recent series of events in the life of some members of the body of Christ in my church, Atlanta Westside,  that I want to recall to tell about God's faithfulness and to have as reminders to the Teacheys of God's amazing hand in every detail of their lives when the hard days come.

My life is personally changed because of these moments and I will be forever grateful to God for them. The morning of Doug's accident I was sitting at my computer in my bathrobe and had received an email that I was not offered a job that I had interviewed for. I wondered what I would or should do that day and where to go from there as that was not the greatest start to a Monday. I briefly prayed and asked the Lord for a purpose for the day, for some sort of work to do that would be honoring to him in some way even though I did not have a typical work day ahead. Five minutes later I received a call from another Westside member who asked me if I could drive Jenna down to Montgomery to the hospital as it would not be good for her to go alone. I agreed very quickly and then stopped to think about it while gathering my things. (Side note: I am the person who doesn't like hospitals, doctors, needles, blood, anyone in a white coat or scrubs makes me nervous, even the blood pressure machine at a grocery store is freaky, honestly...so what the heck did I just agree to?!) This is where the sweetness of God's way stepped in. Had I not been lead by him to pray that prayer I know I would have doubted his call to go that day and would probably have backed out. As I was reminded of the words I had just said, I felt confirmed that he was completely in the details and that it was my place to go, not knowing at all what I would face but in the Lord's strength. "He who calls you is faithful, and he will do it!" came to mind.

Another moment that is emblazoned in my mind came about after sitting in a small room with Jenna and two surgeons who had come out to talk with us in the midst of surgery. We listened to the first real news that we were given face to face after a day's wait. It was hard news and that was the first mention of possible amputation in order to save Doug's life. We immediately left the small room and walked right across the hall to the hospital's chapel. I've never been more appreciative of a chapel in a hospital in my life. It was late, so the waiting room was empty, the halls were clear and the door was unlocked. We entered and walked down to the front pew. We kneeled down on the pew and started to pray. It was a powerful moment and experience of God's presence more than any I have ever experienced. I clearly remember Jenna's prayer of "Lord please let my husband live, and if he has to lose his leg then we will praise you still; if he loses his life Lord, then I will still praise you". As we continued to pray, Jenna said that she wanted to sing a song which was Elie's favorite, "Our God". We started to sing in that little chapel, kneeling down in the front, no one else around, with all of our hearts. I distinctly recall the feeling that I was the weakest person on earth at that moment, with absolutely nothing to say, no perfect prayers, no true comfort but a river of God's spirit and power were flowing like a mighty rushing wind, through that little chapel. After a time we stood up to leave and I looked back. There was a huge stained glass window at the front of Jesus carrying a lamb on his shoulder. A sweet reminder of his care and love for us, his sheep.

Finally, we waited another hour or more alone until we were told to go up to the 7th floor where Doug would be in Surgical ICU for the night. We proceeded up the elevator and were greeted by another empty waiting room. Empty until we rounded the corner and saw on the far side, someone huddled under a blanket curled up & asleep. We picked our spot and opened up the Bible to read feeling tired, fearful and alone in another cold, sterile room. The woman woke and stood up a little while later. We asked her who she was waiting for and what was her name. Thinking we might pray together she beat us to it. She came over, grabbed our hands and was honestly like an angel sent from God to speak the words that we were too tired to speak. Her name was Mrs. Anita and she was a dear lady. We decided to leave the hospital around Midnight to find the hotel. Of course I got lost with GPS AND a map, and was frustrated that after all, what is a real estate agent good for if not for this?! But once again, God was in the details. I had put in a cd that morning that I had just gotten from some friends, Abe and Bethany Okie, which was a new set of hymns they had just released, but to new tunes. The perfect songs came on, "What Er My God Ordains Is Right", and "The King Of Love My Shepherd Is". The words were sweet and Jenna laid back in the seat and tried to sleep while I consumed the comforting lyrics and in a round about way, got us to our hotel at last.

"No poision be in the cup, that my physician sends me" was a line that struck me about our relationship to God and his deep, deep heart of love for us. I will post links to these two songs as soon as I can, they are wonderful.

There are plenty more moments to recall, but these are reminders of God's goodness, presence, power and perfect timing that I remember. I am so incredibly thankful for these experiences in my life and wanted to say thank you to Doug and Jenna for letting me be a part of their lives during these few days. I am forever grateful and I know that for every person in our body who has been involved in this story, there are hundreds more evidences of God's faithfulness. When Satan tempts them to despair of their current situation in the days to come, I hope that they will know God is using their story to make many of us more like himself, to redeem the world, to gather his sheep and to give us a place in his kingdom of value and purpose. These events have helped me to believe that it is true and to trust God's loving hand more than I ever have. Thank you Teacheys!


(Another side note: I wanted to post a picture of myself with the Teacheys on this entry but the only one I could find was a gritty version of Doug in a Grim Reaper outfit from a few Halloween's ago. I recall he scared off all of the happy neighborhood children to Jenna's utter embarassment. Doug, you're hilarious!)

A wedding tribute to my dear friend Sandy

My dear friend and mentor from UGA was married on Sunday evening to a wonderful man named John on top of a beautiful cliff outside of Greenville, SC. Because it was a small wedding there were around 90 attendees total and that meant the rehearsal dinner could go on for hours as all 90 of us had significant things to share. I'm often the procrastinator when it comes to this sort of thing and in this case that was a bad choice, as the moment passed me by. What I wanted to say was this:

"Sandy, you are the ultimate pursuer of relationships of any person that I have ever known. Throw into the mix that I was somewhat of an unruly Campus Crusader who basically asked you to go away and never come back to my sorority house (the first time we ever met). It's true. I'm embarrassed to say this but I honestly didn't understand why you would always stop by and talk with girls that in my mind you hardly knew, would leave them notes and candy, bake brownies, and basically were sharing the love of Christ with college women through your actions and words regularly. That was the start of our friendship and I am forever grateful. I continued to not make it easy for you and yet you continued to pursue me in love.

Secondly, you have the most contagious laugh of anyone that I know. You make me feel like I am the funniest person in the world when I am around you. I know that I'm really not that funny, but for some reason I believe that I am every time we get together. You are very free with your laughter and it is contagious.

You have encouraged and employed the gifts that you have seen in me and helped me to grow to strengthen them. How many other people would let me into the messy places in their lives (literal places) to do what I enjoy (organizing) at the risk of exposing yourself and would also enter into the messy places of mine on many occasions with a spirit of love and grace.

Finally, you are the best at asking good questions. I can not recall a single time when we have had a conversation that you didn't say something to the effect of "so Hannah, when you think about ....what does that.....?"


I love you Sandy and I am so thankful for your place in my life these past 14 years. I am so excited for John that he will be the special recipient of these treasures in you, and I know in turn you will be receiving as well a host of other blessings in John. I could not have been more proud to stand with you on your wedding day as you begin your life of serving Christ together, counseling God's servants on mission fields around the world.

One last thing that I love about you is your love for coffee. So cheers to you and John, and don't forget the spoon!

Our mouths are filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The Lord has done great things for them. " The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with JOY.

Psalm 126: 2-3