is walter henegar reading my mail?

A few posts ago I decided to test God's promises in the area of resurrecting his joy in my life. Today's sermon was strangely close to that topic...ok, WAS the topic. I honestly wanted to stand up and ask if Walter, our pastor at Westside, was reading my mail?  He was contrasting just after the birth of Jesus, the troubled, unsettled and distressed life of King Herod with the great delight, joy and clear conscience freedom of the Wise Men.
I always appreciate so much a sermon that puts me back in a place of examination of the true state of my own heart, not in a place of " be better and be like the Wise men". I know good and well that philosophy doesn't work because as I'm heading out the church door, I've already forgotten my resolution. However, the reminder that as a Christian I am still living with traces of BOTH these characters in my heart, and will continue to struggle and be somewhere on the spectrum between them; and by God's grace, will grow to be more of one and less of the other in my lifetime. This is refreshing. This causes me to want to be honest about the real me, and the Herod within. So often I can't even see that I am a Herod, much less lay my selfishness before God. I am amazed by God's conviction and timing in my life. As I've mentioned before, I've recently been so joyless and ungrateful. The worst part is that I haven't even seen that about myself at all. I don't know what happened but several days ago I started seeing it. This had to be God. Through conversations with a few close friends, my brother and through this sermon, I am beginning to be melted and see some of these areas of sin. How have I been so blind?  I am constantly focused on my plan for my life, my image before others, not on God, the only one worthy of my worship. All I have to do is acknowledge this to the true King Jesus, and take hold of him once again. There is no new method, I keep forgetting that. Simply put it is repentance and faith. Repentance and faith which leads us back.

angle tree twist

Today I delivered some Angel Tree gifts to a grandmother who did not look like your average granny. She raises three children in the inner city because their father is in prison. She is 60 years old, looks 45, and had a black knit cap pulled down tight over her short hair with reading glasses on. She was super feisty and after a good hour of chatting told me she would have grabbed the Christmas loot & shoved me out the door right away if she hadn't gotten a good vibe from me. She also mentioned something about her pistol....um, wait...she actually mentioned a pistol 4 or 5 times altogether while I was there. She fought against the State of GA to get her grandchildren out of the foster care system, where there was much abuse going on, for three years and finally after a personal email to Governor Perdue, she was able to get them back. It has been a rough road for them, but she is a stable and loving influence in their lives. The house had a fresh tree decorated in the corner, and I carefully placed each package under it. Two gifts per child. I'm sure that's the most they will be getting. She was baking sweet Gingerbread cookies with half raisins for eyes and the kids were begging for her to make a homemade Gingerbread house. She told them that was too much and they were sad. BUT! For some reason this morning I decided to stop and look for a Gingerbread house kit to bring along, so when she mentioned it....Voila! She enthusiastically decided to hide it from them until Christmas Eve and bring it out as a special surprise.

God has a way of making something out of what seems like nothing.  It has been and is still a very hard season in my life. It has brought me to an incredibly honest place in my relationship with the Lord, and with people. I have never experienced such a moment by moment need for God's strength and joy to get through the day. This has made my conversations with people much more honest as well. So driving to this lady's home today I didn't even pray before I went in, I didn't even think about how to strategically share the gospel with her, or what kind of questions to ask, I honestly felt like I had nothing to give, so why was I even doing this?

I planned to be in and out in 20 minutes or less. That was my honest heart about the whole delivery situation. We ended up talking for several hours as I listened to her tell me a little bit more in detail about her life and how hard it has been and nodded my head in sympathetic agreement that I understood.. Our lives were not the same, but I understood the need to daily.....hourly......moment by moment... give my burdens back to the Lord. I understood, and am still learning how to cry out to God with a wordless groaning when it seems like there is no other way to express it. I understand that it is hard to continue to trust when nothing is changing and things seem hopeless. I understand wanting more of this life than it seems is possible.... Yes, yes and yes. I feel you.

She looked at me and said that she thought it might be good to find a place to worship with the kids and asked me what church I went to. She said it was because if a young, white girl with presents could come to her house and tell her that my life hard, imperfect and that I needed Jesus every moment, then she believed that the church I attended must be the kind of  place that was real and somewhere that she would want to go.
 I gave her the website and told her that they are all most welcome any time. I shook my head as I closed the door behind me and walked out. Here I am in one of the darkest seasons of my life that creates an opportunity for a mutual exchange about real, earthy struggles with someone who is so different than me, but really very much the same. One more proof to stop thinking about reaching out and loving people "when I'm better", or "when I have it together", or "when my heart is on fire for God". I'm thankful for this reminder today. Tomorrow I will need another, because that's just how slow I am to believe God. He is gracious and I know he will remind me again that he works all things together for good. Even Angel Tree deliveries.

movie action part two

After taking a walk right through the crew with our dogs pretending we weren't curious at all, and then meeting a crew member who was directing traffic in front of my parent's home all day, we learned a few things but didn't catch any glimpses of Jason Bateman or Ryan Reynolds.The movie is actually called, "The Change Up" and has been filming in Atlanta for several months. It's halfway through and the 12 hour day the crew spent here will equal exactly 15 seconds of film time. We met a cool guy named Sean Love who happened to be an extra in the movie as well. He said the director needed a big black dude to snort some cocaine, so he was asked to step in. Hmmm, that's not stereotypical.  Afterward the director (also directed "The Hangover" and "Wedding Crashers"), came up to him and thanked him and told him that he did a great job, so he was excited to have his picture taken with us possibly his first fans. Turns out it all stunt doubles were doing the driving scene in the gold Ranger Rover, meant to be Jason's character's vehicle on the way to pick up his child from school, also filmed at a school a block away. In the dark they started filming with the block lit up like a Christmas tree. Folks, that's all we've got. A 12 hour day driving up and down the same road. Oh, and they did the shots in rain and shine, just in case the director changes his mind. JB and RR have eaten some good food while they've been here though, so that makes me happy. Ecco, Aria and the amazing Antico for fantastic Westside pizza! 

Stones of rememberance for the Teacheys

There are moments in my life that swell with memory and emotion, that seem like minutes went by as days and I can still recall them as if they are happening in the next room. I was privileged to be a part of a recent series of events in the life of some members of the body of Christ in my church, Atlanta Westside,  that I want to recall to tell about God's faithfulness and to have as reminders to the Teacheys of God's amazing hand in every detail of their lives when the hard days come.

My life is personally changed because of these moments and I will be forever grateful to God for them. The morning of Doug's accident I was sitting at my computer in my bathrobe and had received an email that I was not offered a job that I had interviewed for. I wondered what I would or should do that day and where to go from there as that was not the greatest start to a Monday. I briefly prayed and asked the Lord for a purpose for the day, for some sort of work to do that would be honoring to him in some way even though I did not have a typical work day ahead. Five minutes later I received a call from another Westside member who asked me if I could drive Jenna down to Montgomery to the hospital as it would not be good for her to go alone. I agreed very quickly and then stopped to think about it while gathering my things. (Side note: I am the person who doesn't like hospitals, doctors, needles, blood, anyone in a white coat or scrubs makes me nervous, even the blood pressure machine at a grocery store is freaky, honestly...so what the heck did I just agree to?!) This is where the sweetness of God's way stepped in. Had I not been lead by him to pray that prayer I know I would have doubted his call to go that day and would probably have backed out. As I was reminded of the words I had just said, I felt confirmed that he was completely in the details and that it was my place to go, not knowing at all what I would face but in the Lord's strength. "He who calls you is faithful, and he will do it!" came to mind.

Another moment that is emblazoned in my mind came about after sitting in a small room with Jenna and two surgeons who had come out to talk with us in the midst of surgery. We listened to the first real news that we were given face to face after a day's wait. It was hard news and that was the first mention of possible amputation in order to save Doug's life. We immediately left the small room and walked right across the hall to the hospital's chapel. I've never been more appreciative of a chapel in a hospital in my life. It was late, so the waiting room was empty, the halls were clear and the door was unlocked. We entered and walked down to the front pew. We kneeled down on the pew and started to pray. It was a powerful moment and experience of God's presence more than any I have ever experienced. I clearly remember Jenna's prayer of "Lord please let my husband live, and if he has to lose his leg then we will praise you still; if he loses his life Lord, then I will still praise you". As we continued to pray, Jenna said that she wanted to sing a song which was Elie's favorite, "Our God". We started to sing in that little chapel, kneeling down in the front, no one else around, with all of our hearts. I distinctly recall the feeling that I was the weakest person on earth at that moment, with absolutely nothing to say, no perfect prayers, no true comfort but a river of God's spirit and power were flowing like a mighty rushing wind, through that little chapel. After a time we stood up to leave and I looked back. There was a huge stained glass window at the front of Jesus carrying a lamb on his shoulder. A sweet reminder of his care and love for us, his sheep.

Finally, we waited another hour or more alone until we were told to go up to the 7th floor where Doug would be in Surgical ICU for the night. We proceeded up the elevator and were greeted by another empty waiting room. Empty until we rounded the corner and saw on the far side, someone huddled under a blanket curled up & asleep. We picked our spot and opened up the Bible to read feeling tired, fearful and alone in another cold, sterile room. The woman woke and stood up a little while later. We asked her who she was waiting for and what was her name. Thinking we might pray together she beat us to it. She came over, grabbed our hands and was honestly like an angel sent from God to speak the words that we were too tired to speak. Her name was Mrs. Anita and she was a dear lady. We decided to leave the hospital around Midnight to find the hotel. Of course I got lost with GPS AND a map, and was frustrated that after all, what is a real estate agent good for if not for this?! But once again, God was in the details. I had put in a cd that morning that I had just gotten from some friends, Abe and Bethany Okie, which was a new set of hymns they had just released, but to new tunes. The perfect songs came on, "What Er My God Ordains Is Right", and "The King Of Love My Shepherd Is". The words were sweet and Jenna laid back in the seat and tried to sleep while I consumed the comforting lyrics and in a round about way, got us to our hotel at last.

"No poision be in the cup, that my physician sends me" was a line that struck me about our relationship to God and his deep, deep heart of love for us. I will post links to these two songs as soon as I can, they are wonderful.

There are plenty more moments to recall, but these are reminders of God's goodness, presence, power and perfect timing that I remember. I am so incredibly thankful for these experiences in my life and wanted to say thank you to Doug and Jenna for letting me be a part of their lives during these few days. I am forever grateful and I know that for every person in our body who has been involved in this story, there are hundreds more evidences of God's faithfulness. When Satan tempts them to despair of their current situation in the days to come, I hope that they will know God is using their story to make many of us more like himself, to redeem the world, to gather his sheep and to give us a place in his kingdom of value and purpose. These events have helped me to believe that it is true and to trust God's loving hand more than I ever have. Thank you Teacheys!


(Another side note: I wanted to post a picture of myself with the Teacheys on this entry but the only one I could find was a gritty version of Doug in a Grim Reaper outfit from a few Halloween's ago. I recall he scared off all of the happy neighborhood children to Jenna's utter embarassment. Doug, you're hilarious!)

Two kinds of before and after

Just something I'm thinking about doing here. I wanted to post the before picture because I usually forget and then it's all new and there's nothing to show for what it used to be.  Today someone showed me their home right after purchasing it eight years ago and then a shot of what it looks like today, thanks to an iphone.  Wow. What a difference eight years of life, small projects along the way and one big renovation (putting your family in an apartment for six months) makes.  It got me to thinking about how the significance of the change is in the impact of seeing the "before" and sharing it with others. I think it parallels greatly to life and how while significant difficulty, trials and struggle exist for our growth, they should be shared along the way so that when the change comes the people in our lives who know the story can be amazed together with us! I had that experience today seeing the house and sharing in the excitement of the change.
Today I was also able to share about a relationship in my own life which has been restored to something more beautiful. This can not happen by trying harder to get things right on my own. Only in the work of Jesus Christ to die for my sin and selfishness by taking my place on the cross, am I given a new life in him. A life of freedom to love and serve others and to be a part of God's work of restoring the old things of this world into new things that display him more clearly.

31 days to go

No, I'm not a teacher. They live for their summers, and frankly, I am always really envious of their tans, trips and time doing whatever they want for most of June and July every year. This summer has been officially declared the summer of Hannah. I have taken almost the entire month of June off with really big plans to do absolutely nothing productive. This all started with the desperate need for a true break. For a time of rest. I've been selling real estate now in the City Of Atlanta for six years with very little time off, working a normal seven day week, and it has been brutal.

So...when I started regularly putting the coffee pot in the refrigerator after pouring myself a cup, and yes, the cold creamer up in a cabinet, had two minor wrecks within two weeks, both my fault, and started having chest pains from stress, I decided that it had to be all or none.

I am so thankful for a great Spring where I am able to take this time off. It has been an incredible month so far but having something to show for it is another story. Here are some things that I have done so far:

1. Worn my hair curly every day! This is a huge change for me as I have straightened it since middle school which takes 30 minutes a day and is not a relaxing activity.

2. Watched almost all of LOST from start to finish. I am on season five and just couldn't watch the finale without going back and watching the whole show.

3. Awakened without an alarm, probably five days a week. (Go to West Egg for breakfast early once a week to meet dear friends)

4. Attend church without thinking about the business that I will be doing afterward that day. This is revolutionary! I am enjoying my Sundays so much more and am beginning to think about those I would want to invite, and where I'd like to serve.

I honestly can't think of anything else that I have done at this point. I am reading some good books such as The Help, by Kathryn Stockett, thanks to my sister in law Nicole, who passed it along for several beach trips. She and my brother are moving to Durham, England in the Fall and just rented their home! I'm so excited for them and can't wait to go over and visit!

I am becoming more settled with the idea that I won't have done much that is productive in this time off. I can only attribute that to God's amazing work in my heart to help me become more trusting in HIS opinion of me, regardless of what I do or don't do. He values me for me, not for what I bring to him or others. How many times a day do I have to say this to myself? Thousands. Mary chose the better thing, to sit at Jesus' feet and learn from him, and that would not be taken away from her. Luke 10:38-42