a third grader's career advice

This is a real list, written for me by one of my 3rd grade friends from church. Probably a genius in the making.

 I gave him a glossary of careers that someone let me borrow, and asked him if he could come up with any that weren't in the book for me to consider. I told him I'd give him $5 if he could think of something. Looks like my tab is running up. I actually did need a dictionary for a few also. Among my favorites...Tinker, Cheese Porter, Gondolier and Plough Boy.

the job search monologues

I've been hitting the job search, career path, next opportunity trail... or whatever you want to call it, for about 9 months now. And really, have been trying to make a career transition for 2 1/2 years! I prefer to call it a confusing web of advice, opinions, unsolicited thoughts, stupid comments and the occasional nugget of soundness. Actually, I wouldn't really know if it the nuggets are sound advice either, those just haven't been contradicted yet. Since my journey has begun, here are a few things I've learned, starting with career counselors: "...so you really just want to get married right, isn't that why you don't know what you want to do? If that's the case why don't you put on a bikini and go to the (insert large church with thousands of singles) beach retreat?" Problem solved. I also had someone tell me that my resume needed work, so 40 hours later of having another professional help me, a second career counselor told me it was "too good", and "too entrepreneurial" and that no company would hire me because they'd be afraid I'd leave to start my own business. Problem. Last recruiter told me it needed a good bit of work and about $3,000.

Next we have the "elevator speech", you know, the 30 seconds or less description of yourself and what you are looking for which you offer at weekly round table groups to people who seem as enthusiastic about being there as watching paint dry. I've been told to summarize my accomplishments, I've been told to tell them nothing about myself and only what I can do for them. I've watched You Tube videos of people delivering their versions of a perfect speech and right before they get to the meat, it cuts off and they ask you for 4 payments of $299.99!

I'll admit, my elevator speech needs work, I know that. I don't know what I'm looking for and therefore it usually comes out something like, " Hi, I'm Hannah, I've been in sales for 7 years and before that I lived overseas and worked for a non-profit organization and well...um....I'm not really sure what is next for me but I'm...well... happy to, er be here? (nervous laugh)"

Now insert here the day last week when I expected the watching paint dry people and a skinny as a rail, sharp featured table leader (who was an excellent time keeper) to be nice. She kept us all to exactly 4 minutes and when I wrapped up she said, "That was horrible! That was the worst thing I've ever heard! A prospective employer is going to chew you up and spit you out! And what does it mean to be a "people-person" anyway? That means nothing, we all work with people unless we're meter readers. You're an absolute mess."  And then she went on to the next person. I tried to keep it together and glance around to see what the other 7 women were doing with their faces. I saw a few awkward glances and pity-filled smiles and just tried to keep it together. When it was all over, I went straight to the bathroom and cried. I'm pretty sure it was because she was right. I still have no idea what I'm going to do, or what I really want to do and no one can really help me until I figure that out. I'm waiting for a clue to fall from the sky. Is that bad? Next, a sweet, sweet woman who had been the leader of my group the week before, walked into the bathroom, almost on cue. She told me to come to her break out group, which was Telecommunications, even though I had no experience or interest in the industry. With bulging eyes and a pink trench coat on I followed her to a conference table full of  45-60 year old, mostly white men, all C level executive types, looking to do some serious elevator speeches (uh oh) and some serious networking. They all had Venti Starbucks and tiny smart phones up on the table in front of them and looked like vultures waiting to swoop in on any morsel of a lead thrown out--their time was not to be wasted. I sat in fear and silence as they went around the table and discussed their successes from the previous week, their plans for next week, how many appointments they'd had...and then out of Ms. Barbara's mouth came (in a jovial airport attendant from Planes, Trains and Automobile's voice), "hi fellas, we have a guest today...the morning session was pretty rough on her so let's be nice"...you could hear the eyes rolling and the mental comments, "isn't there a Gap or something where you could work...?" I had no choice but to deliver my failed morning speech.

All in all, it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't good either. The men actually ended up being a bit more compassionate than the women. It was a tough week but I had a good friend remind me that the definition of anxiety is really just imagining a future without God...and that was a convicting and also hopeful reminder. I do imagine my future without God often and yet because I belong to him, that is never going to be! Praise God for that and in that hope of finding him in the future is where I am placing my trust for today.

what color IS my parachute?

If you're not familiar with this book, 9 million other people are, so I'm not sure where you and I have been hiding out. I have tried to read this practical manual for job hunters and career changers, but I'm still hunting and changing. It's a very large book of complex exercises with confusing diagrams, calculations to compile and a giant flower in the middle with lots of petals that are all supposed to represent different things. The drawing used to be a parachute but they changed the design as the book has been reprinted almost every year since 1970.

I still don't have any answers as to what color my parachute is, but after radio silence on the blog for a month, figured it was time to say something. I've been doing a whole lot of thinking about what I like, how I spend my free time, what bogs me down (taxes and recipes with more than 5 ingredients for example...) what energizes and puts an instant smile on my face and creates a higher pitch to my voice. My good friends have always told me that I talk with a higher pitch when I'm talking about something exciting or something that I love, so I figure that's a good place to start. Then last night I had dinner with some friends who told me about a NY Times article they had just read. I loved it! I couldn't agree more with this woman's thinking. "Your receptacles are the death of you", and on baby toys that people keep just "in case" someone comes over with a small child she says, "you're not running a day care center here". Ha Ha. So true Barbara. She might have been a little bit harsh in some areas, but in general she is freeing people's minds by helping them to declutter. I'm all for it. I want this job! 

Abandon All Nostalgia. The Organizer Is Coming Over. -N.Y. Times 

Then, I came home and through a series of random You Tube searches--dangerous-- found myself mesmerized for several hours at the behind the scenes production details of the recent movie, "Black Swan". I want this job too!  Is it so crazy to think that I could go back to school for this kind of work? It sounds crazy to me. But even watching the videos makes my thoughts high pitched. There is something here for me to continue to explore.