Tonight I went to the Mary Chapin Carpenter concert at Chastain Park. I grew up just down the road from there so it brought back memories of the middle school days when friends and I would stand outside the gate hoping to get in at the last second for cheap, back when no one really good came to Chastain, and my brother was off in the woods with his friends smoking a joint at the same time (now he's graduated from seminary so I feel like I can say that about him). I wasn't sure if I knew any of her songs, the ticket was free and it looked like rain. Ended up having a fun evening with a really nice dinner, great wine and the place all to ourselves. The music wasn't amazing- too many slow songs, not loud enough- but the people watching was first class. First class in a really self righteous way. It was quite a crowd and us four girls were in the minority on multiple levels. I found myself welling up with pride around a mostly sloppy bunch of Indigo Girlish, socks with sandals sort of crowd and wasn't believing how deep and far my own thoughts could go into arrogance and just a general sense of lifting myself up above them all. I can't believe how quickly any moment can reveal the depths of what junk lies in my heart and mind about other people and how far I am from love. I am not even aware of it most of the time because it is more of a condition of the soul of constantly sizing up the people around me, placing them in their "proper" categories and then exalting myself (or conversely feeling lowly or not good enough, when in the opposite scenario). I looked out over the crowd of people and thought that if I could see their souls for only a second, could I have compassion. Only Jesus can look upon any crowd and instantly love them, and really mean it.
Mary said a few things herself tonight before introducing one of her songs. She talked about believing that every single person on this Earth was made for a very special purpose and that your life's mission should be to figure out what that purpose is. I have no idea where she was really going with that or what she believes is the answer, but that is definitely a question that has to be pressing on the hearts and minds of all people if they are honest. My mind started to wander about how to figure out what I was made for. I really honestly and truly can't think about what it is exactly. Everything that I think about liking or enjoying naturally seems like such a shallow thing. I like to make things more beautiful. Fix them. Clean them up. Organize them. Help them (people) with their clothes. Make a room look better, brighter, more open, more comfortable. I also like color and texture, patterns and designs. Is it wrong to have interests towards things that are not directly spiritual in nature?
"Whatever therefore you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. "
No comments:
Post a Comment